Emotions

All the Feels

The last month has given us the opportunity to run through all the emotions.  And with the announcement that schools will not reopen during the 2019-2020 school year, many of those emotions came back with fury.  The sadness that we initially experienced with closings, became an overwhelming sadness for not have the opportunity to say goodbye to those we hold dear in our school families.  It brought even more worry for how our students and families were coping, anxiety over how to navigate the coming days, weeks, and months, and continued fear for what the future holds.  Students who are at culminating grades are missing celebrations and honors they have waited for, senior sport seasons are cancelled, friendships on hold, so many life moments....  

But there is a up side to it all.  The innovation, ingenuity, resilience, and creativity of people is showing, daily, and in profound and unimaginable ways.  The pride I feel for my teachers as they continue to serve each child in the best way possible, the sense of purpose that is brought by backing and distributing meals, and the overwhelming sense of family and love that is shown through messages, read alouds, emails, text, and photos- show that we as a school, district, and community are one.  

The emotions we feel are not to be ignored.  We all need to feel them.  And I am sure over time, we are going to go through them many times.  The examples I've seen on how to support your staff, students, families- will be lessons I will take with me as I move forward.  While I pray I never have to apply them in the same situation, they are certainly applicable in the daily care of those in our school family.  Grace and an understanding that we are all human is what we need to demonstrate daily.  

Giving Grace

Giving Grace

As each of us adjust to the new normal, we are discovering more about ourselves as educators, as parents, as members of the community.  Learning and growing is hard, confusing, painful, emotional.  Many of us, if not all, have run through all the emotions lately.  I know I have.  The ever changing status and needs of our families and students have taught and tested my patience, flexibility, and perseverance.  For a planner, the lack of being able to plan has rocked me to the core!  But through it all, I have found myself handling it better than some because of one word- grace.  I am giving myself grace, my family grace, my coworkers, students, and even my hubby's work grace.  Just as I am struggling, so are they!  We must take a moment and consider that everyone is doing the best they can, providing for their families the best they can, teaching their children the best they can.  So they deserve, have earned, my grace.  Today. Tomorrow. And the days ahead.  

Expectations

Having realistic expectations for myself has always been a struggle. I often set myself up for disappointment and frustration from the beginning with my self expectations.  Getting the opportunity to watch someone who has walked a similar path and learning from their journey is an amazing opportunity! 

Going into this experience, I was anxious about the expectations for work performance, personal interactions, and the balance of work and home.  Now I month in, I have found a rhythm and a peace like I've never had. I look forward to each day, excited about what challenges will present themselves, what experiences I will get to embrace, and what opportunities for learning I will have.  While earth shattering Aha! moments are not occurring, as I sit back and relax, I am realizing the little seeds, the small gardens that are being planted. And I know that these small items, will one day be mighty moments when its time.  I am finding myself having an easier time trusting in the unknown plan and embracing what is to come.  

As I am told daily, under promise and over deliver.  Those words are becoming in ingrained in me. Promise what you are sure you can deliver and then strive to go above and beyond it.  Set yourself a realistic expectation and then wow the world if you deliver more but you will never disappoint this way.  In my world of wanting to deliver the moon daily, I am finding that if I focus on giving my best, I have the patience and peace to deliver more- I am not lost in the stress of roping the moon.  And this, enjoying my actions, is the best feeling in the world.  

Having felt it now, I don't want to let go.... I am seeing how the balance works for others, how they find it and maintain it and I am experiencing the feelings that come from having your life in a more balanced place.  While I know I still have much work ahead of me, I know that I am on right path and have peace in what may lay ahead.  

Absorbing

     We are 10 days into our switch site, and now more than ever, I feel the juggling of worlds.  Not just the juggling of home vs work but watching how others juggle the demands of their job and life.  When I get overwhelmed, its buckle down and knock out a list.  Plan, plan, execute, execute.  Not everyone takes that approach.

     To make this residency happen, home is now as structured as I can get with little people- daily assigned task, meal plans, car pool coordination, etc.  Home is set to ensure task are done to allow for optimal down time as a family.  So far, it's working.  Yes, there is some monitor and adjust, it's not so regimented that you can't breathe, but its keeping everyone on track (most of the time!).  This order, gives me peace of mind and lets me focus on soaking up all I can during this switch site time.  I am trying very hard to keep a work/home balance and give myself that time to enjoy my family and friends.  Being able to see how another administrator seeks that balance, gives me ideas and reassurance that it can be done, and done well.

     Coming into someone else's world, one that functions very differently than I, I am getting the opportunity to see their train of thought, self talk, and schema for attacking the day.  When hit out of the gate with an event that caused major hiccups in daily functioning, I am being able to experience the good, bad, and ugly.  Having been through a similar experience at a previous school, I know the hardship it places on others.  Watching how she has addressed the need for others to pick up various job task, her methods of communication with students, staff, and community, have all helped me truly see her sense of leadership.  It's moments when things appear the darkest, that the true strength and character are revealed.

     Having begun my journey in this building, I go home daily reflecting on what I am learning and what I am being able to offer others.  I am focusing on entering each day with an open mind and heart so that I may absorb all that is around me. And I am loving every minute of it.

Breathing

Breathing

      While breathing is a task we often take for granted, it is a task that I have focused on immensely over the last few weeks.  Coming to terms with the ambiguity around me, completing the task and activities asked of me, and balancing home and work has left what felt like little time to breathe.  However, in the same moments, I have been taught so much.

     The stretching and growing that has taken place over the last few weeks and months has taken me outside of my comfort zone and pushed me in so many ways.  I've added framing for conversations to my toolbox, I've become cognizant of what perspective I take into a conversations, and I've grown in my story as a leader immensely.  The feedback received during my portfolio presentation left me feeling elated and with a clear path for growth.  While challenging and taxing emotionally, the experience is exhilarating at the same time.  My head is constantly turning with ideas of what to do, how to do it, questions to ask, more knowledge to seek.  

    With all the excitement, also comes the trepidation of the unknown as I prepare for the months to come. My self talk reminds myself that I can handle what comes my way and that I will be a better person and leader for it.  But while going through it, I will breathe. I will calm myself before acting, I will take on each challenge with a smile, and I will embrace the wonderful opportunity present to me in that moment.  This experience, this journey, is a gift I have been given.  I am going to focus on being thankful and relishing it.  

Time Marches On

It's hard to believe that in a little less than a month, my time at Byrd will draw to a brief , momentary close, and my adventures at Graniteville will begin.  What seemed so far away, is now right around the corner.  Like any major change, I'm approaching this one with to do list and checklist, with over-analyzing and over-organizing.  But, that is what brings me calm when faced with so much change and anxiety. And I am learning so much....

Among the anxious moments, there have been many moments of celebration.  A partner presentation on a new topic of learning went off well and has gotten good feedback.  Assignments submitted with positive review. Deadlines met and task accomplished with proficiency.  It's these little things that make me realize that I am capable and I am able and that I can do more.  It's what gives me the courage to take the next step and tackle the next object.  It's also what has made me realize that I don't give my teachers enough feedback on the positives. I've made a point of stopping and acknowledging the great lesson, interactions, presentations, and conversations around me.  If I am more willing to put myself out there after having positive experiences, why wouldn't I give my staff the same confidence?

For all those other moments, the ones causing my anxiety to rise, I've realized the need for an organized game plan.  Map out when to work on items, what to focus on,  how long to give it, and when to step away.  Growing up, my dad always had me visual my swims before they occurred. What I wanted my splits to be, my pace, my short term to get my long term.  While I think I've always applied that to life, I am finding now, more than ever, it is applicable and calming and a must. I'm also finding those around me appreciate it, find peace in it.  It's made home calmer.  It's made school calmer (well, as calm as it can get). It's eating the elephant one bite at a time.  So, for the next 10 days, it will look like meeting and mapping out action plans with those that are taking over items for me, setting game plans for upcoming testing, making a meal plan for home, making to do list for school and home and my honey, and it will involve set aside time to breathe. 

I am going to trust myself and the process.  I am going to trust those around me, that I have delegated items to.  It might not be done my way, but my way isn't the only way. I am going to learn from them, from their process, and our interactions.  I am going savor the moments where they step up and shine and ensure that I acknowledge the steps out of their comfort zone they took and what a great job they did. I am going to reflect on myself and ask others to reflect on my actions and continue to give me feedback, whether positive or negative.  And I am going to continue to push myself and ask others to push me too.

And in between all of those task of life- the struggles, the anxiousness, the celebrations, and those breaths, I will continue to grow. 

The Other Serenity Prayer

The Other Serenity Prayer

     I came across the "Other" Serenity Prayer this weekend.  Wow.  The timing of Facebook stalking your words and readings sometimes is creepy, but it does often present you with something you really need.  I needed this.  Taking on this Aspiring Principal's Program has been overwhelming to say the least.  There are moments that I have truly questioned if it was what was best, personally, professionally, and family wise.  My type A, OCD, dyslexic, heart on my sleeve self has struggled to give what I feel all aspects of my life deserve and many tears and much anguish has been shed in the process.  However, this brought so much back into focus.

     It's okay not the make the perfect decision, as long as it is the best decision I can make with the information I have at the time, in the best interest of students.  It is okay to hit bumps in the road, I am not perfect, and no one expects me to be.  It is okay to breathe and be me.  In the moment.  

    This week I have really focused on not second guessing myself. Not over-analyzing every movement and decision.  Every night, I have set aside time to reflect on my day.  If that reflection leads me to need to change something about what I did that day, I take that one the next day.  But I am slowly learning to trust myself and just go with it.  

    So in doing that, my person to take my team has been chosen.  We have talked and started laying out a plan for her.  Our meeting next week has a rough outline and a plan.  We've set goals, got a plan, and I am feeling much more organized.  I do LOVE a good organized plan! Going to tackle each day and week as they come, working hard to maintain my focus, trust myself, and breathe.

Building Capacity

Building Capacity

I've always stated to my staff "My job is to make your job easier".  I strive to take things off of their plate, to work diligently not to add more.  So when tasked with putting someone in charge of a team I lead while I am away, I have struggled with looking at it as an positive, a growth opportunity, and not as adding to their plate.  (Yes, I know it truly is a positive! For both of us!)

Even as I sit here tonight, I have yet to reach a conclusion as to who this person shall be.  There is, as there always will be, the natural choice for anyone that looks at the group.  But they are already tasked with so much, so does that truly push my skills for building others?  How does one identify the person to lead on this journey?  Do I take the easy route, one I know that is safe and will get the job done?  Or do I challenge myself and someone else, to reach for more?

Where does one turn when in need of guidance?  Google, of course!  No seriously, I do often start there to at least narrow down what my question really needs to be.  In looking for answers, I came across this article- 7 Ways to Identify Leaders Among Your Employees.  While not presenting anything earth shattering, it did give me some mindful questions to ask when considering the members of my team.  So I'm off to make my pro/con list, ponder these questions, and see if I can develop a plan....

Pain + Reflection = Progress